Riddler Wake Up
by laal ratty
Summary: All the Riddler wants to do is sleep. Why do you keep waking him up and what do you mean the Joker wants to kill him? The events of Second Banana as witnessed by Edward Nygma.


**So whilst this isn't my first Batman fanfiction it is my first to feature my favourite Rogue - the Riddler. I was reading the Batman and Robin Adventures story, Second Banana, when I started wondering about what Eddie _really_ thought about the goings on that night. So this is my take on it. All recognisable dialogue is accredited to Ty Templeton, not me. And as always I do not own Batman.**

Riddler Wake Up

Edward Nygma, aka The Riddler, didn't find it easy to sleep at Arkham Asylum. The screams and laughter from down the hallway seemed to find every available nook and cranny to creep into his cell, no matter how hard he tried to muffle the sounds. Tonight, though, was different. Tonight, as the lights out siren sounded, he rolled onto his side, face turned away from the cell door, and drifted into sleep.

This was why he was less than impressed to find light flooding into his cell and a large hand dragging him out bed before cuffing him. As his brain crept into wakefulness, he began to protest.

'What's the meaning of this? Unhand me at once.'

As his cries reached the ears of the once-slumbering inmates their voices were added to the cacophony that was building up. As the guards escorted him out of his cell, Dr Arkham came hurrying up, tie askew and hair, what little there was, standing up.'

'You're awake, good. At 9.30pm this evening the Joker made a public threat on your life. We're taking you to the infirmary to test you for poison and Joker venom.' He waved the Riddler away.

The infirmary was a dreary place even during daylight hours. Dirty windows high on the wall let in little light and the scratched green and cream paint did little to engender a feeling of peace and healing. Despite his preference for the colour, too many nights here had left Edward with a loathing for this particular shade.

What do you mean the Joker has threatened to kill me? I demand that you tell me what has happened at once.'

His guards remained impassive as they stood staring at him, waiting for Dr Bartholomew to arrive. Which, a few seconds later, he did.

'Well, well Edward. I understand that the Joker has decided that you're going to be his victim of choice this evening. Commissioner Gordon phoned us earlier to tell us what was happening. Apparently that psychologist that you've been seeing, Dr Sprang appeared on television yesterday to say that you're the cleverest inmate here.'

'Naturally,' interjected Edward, 'that is self-evident, I don't see what that has to do with the Joker.'

'The reason is we think that Joker saw the broadcast. Since then a very explicit threat on your life was made for midnight tonight,' he went over to a locked cabinet and keyed in a code. 'Dr Arkham has decided that you need to be tested for all poisons and components of Joker toxin,' he pulled out a hypodermic needle, a tourniquet and a couple of vials. Crossing back to the Riddler he continued, 'so I'm going to have to take some blood from you.'

'Well far be it from me to stop you,' Edward held out his right arm for Dr Bartholomew to tighten the tourniquet. 'The man who made it doesn't want it, the man who bought it doesn't need it and the man who needs it doesn't know it,' he muttered.

* * *

At 11.35pm the doctor had finally finished his tests. Samples of the Riddler's blood, skin and saliva sat on the table. A couple of minutes ago an orderly had come to speak with Dr Bartholomew. Edward saw the doctor slip a piece of paper into the orderly's hand before sending him away.

'Well that's it, Edward. My job is over; Batman and Robin have arrived to look after you,' he nodded to the guards, 'take him to the security room. The Commissioner's waiting there.' He stepped aside to let them leave the room. After they had gone, he looked at the room in dismay before starting the long process of cleaning up.

* * *

Commissioner Gordon, Batman and Robin were ready in the security room.

'Well the lab just reported in, Nygma, and you're clean for poisons. Whatever the Joker's going to do, at least we know he hasn't done it yet.' Gordon looked away and grabbed his radio as Edward's dry voice cut replied.

'I'm giddy with relief.' As Gordon spoke to Bullock over the radio, he continued, 'none of this is going to do the slightest bit of good.'

'You scared, Riddler?' Robin smirked.

'You don't know the Joker, Boy Wonder. Oh you and Batman might catch him from time to time but you don't live with him like I do. He's a maniac. And when that maniac gets it into his head to do something, he's unstoppable. Even by you. No, I'm not scared. With three minutes left until midnight, I'm just resigned.'

As the final minutes ticked away Edward was unable to stop himself from counting each second, just like Fugate, he fleetingly thought. As the last second ticked away there was a buzzing sound and an exclamation from one of the guards. The doors to the inmates' cell opened and as Batman theorised that Joker must have hacked into the security system (and wasn't it supposed to be on a closed circuit?), he flung himself into a corner, his calm demeanour gone. 'I knew it! I'm dead. I'm dead!' Ignoring Gordon's words that it would take a cannon to get into the room – had this man forgotten that this was the _Joker_? It would be reasonable to suppose that he had brought a cannon with him – it took the yells of another of Arkham's inmates to cut through his fear-fogged brain.

'Oh god, it's locked! Help! You've got to let me in! Please. He's going to kill me.'

Jonathan?

Batman turned back to the guard at the monitors, 'which monitor shows me what's going on in the hall?'

As the guard pointed to the screen, Edward looked and saw Jonathan Crane pleading into the camera. Behind him was...

'Lock Up,' Batman's voice was grave, 'open the door.'

'But...' Oh no, this is just what the Joker had planned for. He sympathised with Jonathan, he really did. Lock Up was a thug, but it was imperative that his superior brain be protected.

'Do it!' Clearly Batman did not agree.

As the door opened Edward got a quick glance of Jonathan hoisted up in Lock Up's grasp before Batman charged out and the door closed behind him. Everyone looked at the monitors as Batman subdued Lock Up and, oh look; now Batman's bringing him in here. Well that makes everything better.

Batman left Lock Up tied up and slumped unconscious on a chair in the middle of the room before speaking again to the guard at the monitors. 'What happens if you shut down the security cameras? Will we lose the monitors?'

'No, but the doors lock automatically until they can be opened with a combination.'

'Do it. The whole system's been compromised.'

Robin spoke up, 'if this was the Joker's play, Batman, it wasn't very effective.'

'No, it wasn't Robin. And that's the...'

Sweat beaded on the Riddler's forehead as a familiar chilling laugh came through the speakers. Joker's face popped up on one of the screens. Behind him could be seen the smoking debris of what once must have been a house. All eyes, except the unconscious Lock Up's, snapped to the screen as the Joker stopped laughing and started talking in his best doing a piece to camera manner.

'Well it's midnight in Gotham and time to ask the musical question... "Did I keep my promise and bump off the Riddler" Well – I have to admit, no, I didn't. I cheated. I lied. I didn't play fair at all... I went and killed someone else instead. You see, earlier today I delivered a box of exploding cigars to what used to be Dr Sprang's happy home and my guess is...' The laughter came again. 'Sorry to scare you, Eddie, but I was never going to actually hurt you. After all, it's not your fault you were born so _dull_. But I had to show that smarty pants what being truly clever is all about. It's about witty conversation and puns. It's all about winning. And I just won.'

Edward wouldn't describe himself as a violent man – he'd leave that sort of business to Two-Face – but at that moment he dearly longed to have his cane and a room empty of witnesses so that he could smash it into every screen showing the clown's face, just to watch it fracture and disappear. He made a conscious effort to relax his jaw and fists as Batman reached out to turn the monitor off.

'Shut down the security computer. Now.'

There was the sound of hidden locks clunking into position. The monitors all turned to black and white static.

'It'll take a few minutes to input the key and bring the systems back online.'

Again Edward found himself compulsively counting off the seconds as everyone waited for the systems to come back online. Finally he heard the clunk as the locks disengaged and the screens cleared to show the corridors and rooms of Arkham.

'So what now, Batman? You do realise that you can't trust a word that maniac says. Am I to be cast back to my cell like an unwanted catch?'

'No,' Batman turned to Gordon. 'Commissioner, use your men to get the inmates back to their cells. Nygma, you stay here. I'll take Lock Up.'

'Oh joy, and how long am I to be kept away from my bed? Despite what you might believe, the beds here really are better than the floor,' Edward tilted his head at the figure in front of him.

'You'll get a pillow and blanket. Sweet dreams.' Batman hauled the still unconscious Lock Up to the door and left, closely followed by Robin.

Gordon picked up his radio, 'Bullock, this is Gordon, we had a bit of a situation and the inmates are out of their cells. Leave some men behind in case any of them have managed to escape into the grounds, and meet me at reception. We're helping the guards to restore order inside.'

'Oh lovely,' Bullock's voice came back, 'pest control. Be with ya soon Commish.'

Soon Edward was left alone with just four guards for company – the original two who had escorted him here and the two still sat at the monitors. 'Well,' he demanded, 'am I to get my blanket and pillow or are you apes going to ignore the Batman? Let me tell you from experience – he doesn't like it when you do that.'

The guard's glanced at each other and then one of them reached for his radio. 'No funny tricks, Riddler,' he muttered.

'Tricks? I just want to spend what remains of this night under the influence of Hypnos.'

Five minutes later Edward was once more bundled up in a blanket and lightly snoring in a corner of the room.

* * *

5.30am and for the second time that night, Edward found himself rudely awakened.

'Huh? Wha? Oh what do you ignoramuses want _now_?'

'Time to go back to your cell, Nygma,' answered Gordon. 'The Batman caught Joker thirty minutes ago. He's been placed in solitary for the next two weeks. You won't have to worry about him.'

'Well, it seems that Batman is useful for some things at least.'

'Just get back to your cell, Riddler.'

'Gladly,' he stretched and stood up. As he did so two guards moved to flank either side of him.

After the riot earlier on, the halls were eerily quiet. Blood on the walls and broken and battered doors were the only sign that something had happened. Finally they arrived back at his cell. Never had the sight of the mattress, pillow and blanket looked so sweet. Five minutes after he was between the covers, he was snoring again.

One hour and ten minutes later and the Rogues either side of the Riddler were holding their pillows over their ears as the sound of the morning alarm mingled with an agonised cry of, 'WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME SLEEP?'


End file.
